Dear marketologists,

(or whatever you people are called)

Thank you so much for sending us tons of useless offers, "this is your last chance" letters and all that stuff. I'd like to use this opportunity to relate thanks from our sheep who love the bedding we make by shredding your smartly designed and graphically pleasing letters and publications. You also get thanks from our plants, who love the compost that the bedding eventually turns to. However, if it's not too difficult, could you please abandon the glossy paper and lead based paints? These ain't no good for the bedding, you know, and I'm guessing you probably want people to have at least some use for the results of your labor. So, plain paper and non-poisonous paints, OK? Thank you.

Very truly yours,

One of many of your junk ... err, creative materials recipients